it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
