just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
