I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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