soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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