tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
