Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
