Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
