So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
