my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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