butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
