they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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