I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
