we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
