i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
