Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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