i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
