Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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