I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
