idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
