You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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