I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He did a backflip because drugs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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