I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
