At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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