one might say we're banned from that church
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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