I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
