My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
