your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
