i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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