After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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