oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
