Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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