Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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