I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
no you cant smoke seaweed
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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