atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
