He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm really busy with my period
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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