2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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