your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
