Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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