Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
