I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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