just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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