if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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