I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I love you.
Bad choice
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
