fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
