I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
