the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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