in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
