it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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