She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize