it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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