I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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