I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
