then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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