Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize