i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
