Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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