Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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