Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
