Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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