I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
