my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I looked at my own cervix.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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