please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
