god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
MIDGETS
????
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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