So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
