Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
