You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
