So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
