I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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