I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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