oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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