I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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