This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
