Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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