I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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